2015 January 25, Major Decision
January has been a difficult month. Leland caught a virus, fever, cough, and more weakness. To add to that dismal picture, his PSA shot up from 36 to 464. Because he has been so ill, his anti cancer meds were all discontinued, hoping it would alleviate the nausea and vomiting. Finally Dr. Eshaghian told us he believes the nausea, fatigue and vomiting were all signs the cancer is rapidly growing. The one option we have left is the Cabazitaxel chemo, much harsher than he has had before, side effects of fatigue, nausea, vomiting, and worse. Dr. E. does not feel that Leland could survive the onslaught to his system since he is already so compromised.
He has had 2 blood transfusion, and 3 infusions of fluids and anti-nausea medications. Dr. Liss's nurse was able to help us with the proper dosing schedule for the 3 anti nausea meds, and he has had two wonderful nausea-free days.
We saw Dr. Liss on Friday, she told us she has a really hard time prescribing cabitaxol for anyone, because the side effects are so devastating. . Leland's choices were to try the chemo, or just say enough is enough and opt for Hospice. Dr. Liss told us she believes he has maybe 6 months left.
We have been facing this reality for some time now, and as he grows weaker, it becomes more obvious to everyone who sees him. We have talked about this for some time; the first of these conversations seemed surreal-this cannot be happening. But as we have been forced into reality, the conversations have become easier. We still have to hold each other and cry from time to time, but we are also able to face what must be and make the necessary plans.
We will see the Hospice people on Tuesday of this week. We are assured this will make managing these last months easier, which will be a blessing.
Our kids are struggling with this, but they are a wonderful help and support. We were all able to celebrate Tina's birthday together last evening at Cherilyn and Todd's home, and we had a wonderful time. As late as Thursday, we had thought we would be unable to participate, but Friday was the turning point for the nausea, and Sabbath was good too, so we were able to go.
The pastor from Riverside Church came to visit us last week, and offered to be our pastor. He was so kind and encouraging, telling us he had lost his 17 year old daughter to cancer several years ago. But he termed it a temporary loss, which was a good way of putting our lives here in perspective-they are all temporary right now. The shadows in the valley are lengthening, but we are very sure Who is leading us, and where. Furthermore, we know will be together again when all sickness, trouble and grief are in the past. Let's all be there!
